Suggested Responses To This Bullshit

There's a word for someone who only participates if they know they can win: asshole.

Ask anybody who lives in a swing state, you don't want that many robocalls! If you think your state will go your way regardless, for the love of God, go make sure!

So let's get this straight: You’re saying your vote doesn’t count. And not voting at all definitely doesn’t count. So that means…

You're probably right. You and the 80 million other Americans who use the same line of logic surely aren't affecting anything at all.

Suggested Responses To This Bullshit

Hey, just like the people of North Korea. They vote by not voting every day!

Once every four years you decide to take a political stand? You’re like the Olympics of self-righteousness.

That’s the spirit. You staying home on Tuesday will surely force the powers that be to RETHINK THE CONCEPT OF DEMOCRACY.

Great, and the future tyrant that will one day enslave your grandchildren thanks you for your vote.

Suggested Responses To This Bullshit

Do you know what pour-over coffee is? If so, you definitely have time to vote.

There are people in countries around the world who wait in line under threat of physical violence for 12 hours in order to vote. But please, tell me more about your time constraints.

Sure, time is money. But you know what else is money? Money! Specifically the amounts of it you could gain or lose based on the outcome of this election.

I hope the reason you don't have time is because you're too busy creating 500,000 more jobs. Otherwise whatever else you're doing should probably wait.

Suggested Responses To This Bullshit

Yes, voting can be complicated, but you know what else is complicated? Acquiring health care, getting money back on taxes, running a small business, getting an abortion, fighting in a war... Guess what one thing you can do to affect positive change in all those other complicated things?

If you think voting is too hard, maybe you should elect someone who will make it easier. Oh wait.

Try to think of it as operating a microwave that reheats the day-old burrito that is our national government. Maybe that will help you figure it out.

Ever done your taxes? You can handle voting. Haven't done your taxes? Congratulations, you're a member of the one percent and can just buy the politician you want.

Suggested Responses To This Bullshit

Don't worry silly, you can still vote. We have the electoral college to protect us from dummies like you.

Since when has democracy ever been about knowing what you're doing?

Do you understand how airplanes fly? No, but you don't mind participating in that process, do you?

Suggested Responses To This Bullshit

That's not true at all. There are actually 13 animatronic models for public officials.

The same in that they all have the power to directly affect our lives and their jobs are 100% dependent on our approval? Yes, in that way they are all the same.

That may be so, but what about all the other people who ride their coattails into office? You’re voting for Secretary of Energy Steven Chu as much as you’re voting for Obama, and I think we can all agree that Chu’s got at least another four years in him.

Suggested Responses To This Bullshit

In that case, now's a perfect time to start your political career. Go ahead, write your name in, hotshot.

Yeah, well sometimes a restaurant doesn’t have whatever weird thing it is you like to eat, but you order something anyway because that’s what your body needs to keep functioning.

Suggested Responses To This Bullshit

Yes, the system is rigged to offer no discernible pattern for the last 236 years.

So what, then you just wasted part of your day pushing buttons or pulling levers? Who doesn't love pushing buttons and pulling levers!?!

• You are a convicted felon in Florida, Iowa, Kentucky, or Virginia †

• You are not registered to vote

• You are not a citizen of the United States

• You are dead

• You are 12 years old

• You are a dead, 12-year-old, non-citizen convicted felon in Florida, Iowa, Kentucky, or Virginia and did not register to vote